in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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