she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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