One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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