Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why did my mother make you get naked?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
