i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
