So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
