i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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