Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
