I CAN MOONWALK!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
