Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
