I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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