Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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