Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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