Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
