I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
