the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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