you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
