apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
