you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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