on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
