she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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