i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
