in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
