It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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