Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
