Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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