Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
