Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
