you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
