we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
