Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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