Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am naked and annoyed.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
