i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
