So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
