just tell him i said nine months
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
