saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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