12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
