I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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