I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
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