Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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