You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
