Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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