in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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