Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
