So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
