you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
