just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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