Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
