as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize