too bad you live with your parents still
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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