there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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