Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
