my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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