Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
