he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
