remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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