You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
