I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
