and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
