I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
