The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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