Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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