Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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