Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
