Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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