I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
