So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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