he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
