I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
