I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
