I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
